"Charisma and Humility" December 2005

A movie star enters the party: strutting, cocky, head raised. His manner shouts: "I'm great and we all know it." The room is silent with awe. But this is counterfeit charisma. The movie star is totally dependent on external factors that he has no control over. Without the adoring fans, he has nothing.

The path to genuine charisma is "with humility." Does humility really generate charisma? Don't we usually imagine the humble person as meek, hunched over, and barely noticeable?

Let's define our terms. Humility is not an inferiority complex or lack of self-esteem. Humility means "living with the reality that nothing matters except doing the right thing." It means doing the best you can with the abilities that you have (which may include strong leadership), but knowing that with the same gifts, someone else might do a better job. The humble person is totally dedicated to the pursuit of truth. And because his self-esteem is not dependent on approval from others, he can choose the right thing even when it's not popular or politically correct. And that's what earns him the greatest respect.

An arrogant person, on the other hand, is mostly concerned with his own ego, his own pride, his own money. So even though he appears friendly and charming, he's really manipulating things to suit his selfish needs.

- "Arrogance" = I'm all that counts.

- "Humility" = What's greater than me counts.

Despite his smooth exterior, the arrogant person is, ironically, restrained and inhibited from expressing his true self. How can he "be himself" when he is constantly preoccupied with how he appears in the eyes of others?

Humility is freedom. When you are only concerned about truth, and living by it, then you are free to express yourself in the most genuine and uninhibited way. Your natural beauty shines through. That's real charisma!

With such genuine self-confidence, the humble person has transcended the mundane pettiness of this world. He doesn't have to answer every insult. He can rise above arguments.

He knows his place, and helps others find their place, too. He makes everyone feel important. Because with the humble person, if others excel, there's no jealousy or risk of ego crisis.

Have you ever met such a person? It draws you like a magnet. Wouldn't you like some of that charisma?

WHAT IS YOUR CAUSE?

Now let's take this a step further. If you are willing to die in order to be "good," the corollary is that there is no higher goal in living than being good! Ultimately, everyone is dying for a cause. World peace, save the whales, political reform, everyone is dedicated to something. The only question that remains, therefore, is "what is your cause?"

Sit down and figure out what you're willing to die for. Read eulogies. They're a good dose of humility. They help us understand the meaning of life. Try writing your own obituary. For what do you want to be remembered? This gives you objectivity and perspective. Once you've found a cause so meaningful that you'd forfeit your life for, then you have the answer to the more important question: What you should be living for.

And when you indeed live for that cause, you will have unparalleled power, purpose and pleasure.

Then make a plan to implement this into your day-to-day life. Start slowly, taking one small step at a time, so not to be overwhelmed. Keep your eye on the goal and gauge your progress every day. Connecting with your ultimate purpose is a big project. But there's no better use of your time and energy.

Are you up to the challenge?

DO IT FOR THE RIGHT REASON

"Doing the right thing" is a high level, but there's a higher level still. You also have to do the right thing for the right reason -- i.e. "because it's the right thing to do." If you do the right thing for selfish reasons -- e.g. so you can brag about your accomplishments -- you'll end up feeling lousy about yourself.

True charisma comes when we disengage ourselves from the need for outside approval. So do the right thing for the right reason. No matter what the consequences may be. It's the greatest feeling in the world!

The bottom line: The more you rise above the need for others' approval, and develop your inner sense of self-esteem, the more charisma you will possess. And that's something no one can ever take away from you.

WHY IS "HUMILITY" A WAY TO WISDOM?

- Humility generates truth and objectivity.

- Humility is freedom. Your personality expresses itself in an organic, internally generated, and more real way.

- Humility is pleasure. Arrogance is pain.

- Humility enables you to embrace others.

- Humility deepens your relationship with God.

- Until you know what you are willing to die for, you have not yet begun to live.