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"Forgiveness" July 2005 Forgiveness is a term that everyone knows. We know that we should practice it, but what does it actually mean, and what does it involve. When we are hurt by another, it is a common perception that we should be able to “turn the other cheek”, to forget the bad that was done to us, and to “move on”. Not to retaliate against the perpetrator of that bad. But I don't believe this is the true meaning of the word. It is not saying: “What you did to me was OK”. It is more complicated than that, and requires understanding of what is involved, and the desired outcome. Let's begin from first principles: Firstly, what happens when we feel hurt, and we “blame” another. We invest energy into that state, and part of our spirit “resides” with that person or persons whom we blame. It costs us to maintain that relationship of hurt and blame. The anger, guilt, shame – that we carry, keeps us sick inside. Unfinished business is the cause of much illness, and so we need to learn how to finish, to complete our business with the past. Secondly, learning from all the great teachings in this world, it is clear that each and every one of us are born with a purpose, with a role to fulfil, with a gift to bring into the world, to make it a better place for humankind. To bring that which is called by various names – the Creative Spirit, the Divine, Godliness – into the physical world. To bring this gift into the world, it appears to me, we have to go through struggle, even pain. This gift is here for two reasons – to help us grow as individuals, and to help others. It is said that one cannot judge another until you are in their shoes; similarly one can't help another unless we can understand the true nature of the help they require. We are not able to help others, until we know their struggles, their pain – and so it goes. This struggle, this pain, is the pathway and the gateway to our success as human beings. And the closer we are to success, to conquering the pain, the harder things appear to be. That's the way it is. And the harder things get, the closer you are to victory. “The darkest part of the night is just before dawn”. Given all that, our lives are set up perfectly for each and every one of us, so that we are faced with the exact challenges we need, to have this break-through, to achieve this victory. If that is the case, then all the hardships, all the traumas, are part of this grand design, are part of our struggle to manifest our gift. If we accept that, then all the people we meet, who place difficulties in our paths, who cause us pain, must be part of this scenario. Even those who abuse us, cause us great sorrow. We may not understand at the time how and why this has to be, but that doesn't take anything away from the truth of things. We can know the sentence, we can know the page or paragraph, we may even know the chapter, but we will never know the book. That is written over the eons. And so we may never know the reason why bad things happen to us, why things appear unfair. But if we accept the above, then we somehow have to deal with whatever it was that happened, in a way that is true to the principle, and in integrity with our nature, and our sense of justice and self-respect. In other words, everything that happens to us, happens for a reason. There is learning and understanding in every event in our lives, and all necessary and chosen, even though we can't see that at the time, or perhaps ever, in this lifetime. Accepting Divine wisdom is a way of releasing the past, being free of emotional “baggage” and allowing the ship of our lives to sail on. It empowers us to be free to be ourselves, and bring this Divine understanding and light into the lives of others. People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centred; we need to forgive them anyway. It's all between you and God; it was never between you and them. We have to learn to not be a victim of our lives, but a student. More importantly, what we do in the act of forgiveness, is to bring the part of us that we invested in the other, back home to us, to return that part of your spirit to the present time, from the past. It is a powerful act of spiritual transformation. “It helps re-write the code that is currently managing your biology, so that future generations of cells will not carry that toxic energy inside”. This is the pathway to wellness and self-empowerment. Not to be able to forgive is an act of revenge, and revenge is really an avoidance technique, to prevent you from feeling what is truly there. Maintaining the revengeful state robs you of energy and power. So, how do we forgive? Simply, with every event, be it pleasant or unpleasant, learn to ask yourself: “How come this is happening to me; what's the reason for it; what is it I am being asked to learn?” This I believe is the way to enlightenment, a pathway we can choose in everyday life. That's the question that brings light into the darkness. Looking at the converse for a moment, do we have to run around, perhaps once a year, asking those whom we believe we have hurt, for their forgiveness? I couldn't answer this categorically, but perhaps ask instead à how come you really want to ask the other for forgiveness? Where are they, in their lives, in relation to the event? Have they moved on, and are you stuck? Did it bother them at all? Is it your guilt and/or shame? Can forgiveness occur, without direct conversation? One school of thought, is that if you can change your being, your emotional and/or spiritual position on a matter, then the status of – whatever – is automatically changed, the event is relegated to the past, and has no place in the here and now. This may require self-forgiveness. And finally, to support the act of forgiveness, do an act of kindness. This will strengthen your immune system, and that of the receiver, as well as anyone else who observes that act. It moves you from a state of illness (“I”-centered) to a state of wellness (“we”-centered), or well-being. SOME AFTER-THOUGHTS:
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